...meanwhile back at the ranch

Lately I've been really love sick (in translation.. I miss love.) After completely the 'Scar Tissue' autobiography I decided I'd jump on the bandwagon and read 'Twilight'. I'd hate to sound like everyone else, but this book is great. It only makes me more 'sick' but in a way that I think I have become immune to so it doesn't give me all of the symptoms anymore. The cryings stopped, the self-masochism ended and the comparison of myself to other successful relationships has COMPLETELY ENDED. I watched 'P.S. I Love You' the other night (as if Twilight wasn't enough torture) and realized more and more why I have always been fond of the Euro's. I'm a sucker for the accent and the foreign look its always been my weakness. I hope this doesn't come across as anti-Hispanic (i am one so I think I can get away with this one) but I really cannot date another Latin man and hope.. correction.. and know that if I do I'd only be cheating myself from full happiness. I love the Latin culture but cannot handle the characteristics of a Latin male. I look back at previous relationships (and honestly have nothing bad to say about them) and realize that they all carry some of the same traits I have grown to despise. and I will end that thought there. Now.. this doesn't mean I will need every man that walks in myself to submit an application to then be determined if they meet 'my standards' but for once I realized if I want something a certain way why should I have to settle? Since I have become a newly single I have tried to replace the vacant spot of a man in my life with anyone that I thought was good enough to potentially evolve feelings for beyond what I had felt. I have never dated anyone I didn't want to either, but I have found myself 'settling'. and in the end of the day like I always say... I do not want to be that girl settling with someone because I'm to scared to just have the type of love which blows you out of the water. I want an 'Edward' in my life (except for the vampire part). We are all brought to this world to recreate and what does that really mean besides the obvious? I think its to live your life to its fullest potential and then eventually meet someone which you fall truly madly deeply over and than you both become one in recreating an offspring which you will raise with the same love and everything that comes along with it. The basis of life it love. If you don't love what you do, who your with, or where you live you'll always just be dragging threw life miserable. and why? Why would you do that to yourself? You're born alone and die alone (that kinda contradicts my theory but..) so if you don't live your life to its fullest potential than find a way you can get yourself out of the slump your in and do something about it. No one puts a gun to your head and obligates you to do anything (unless you live i a third world country)
I probably sound like a mess because everything is so scattered, but I just wanted a little writing rampage ;)

ohhhhhh its all about the four letter words isnt it?