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    Monday, April 5, 2010

    Please please please let me get what I want

    It's been brought to my attention that I have a problem relaying my opinion kindly. Growing up I was mainly told I was selfish and offensive by my mother, but like most things I thought she said this to me only based on our relationship. A few weeks back I had a few friends confront me with their opinion on my behavior and have been analyzing myself and actions over the past couple weeks. For once in my life I understand what my mom was getting at for so many years. I've been working on bettering these faults I have. I have been really trying to apply these changes to my everyday life. I've realized how much my stubborn attitude gets in the way of my friendships and relationships. Moving forward I don't want to sound rude or let alone bratty like I easily can but I also need some people in my life to realize their faults as well. What good is it going to do if i'm the only one willing to change? As far as friendships go, I consider myself lucky to have a small group of friends that are very caring and would stop the world if I asked. Sometime's I become sad with the thought that i've always been the planner and never the one that has things planned for. I've never had a surprise party, never received the most balloons on my birthday, had someone by me flowers just because, and the list can go on. I love planning for others and love to do things to make my friends smile because thats one cheap thrill I live for, BUT i'd be nice to be on the other end a little more often. It'd be nice to be spoiled for one day other than my birthday. I guess most of my frustration comes from the fact that over the past few months I live in a hell hole and cannot call my home a sanctuary. I've accepted the consequences but would hope that one day the money would be substituted for some affection and consideration. Am I ask for to much here? I wish my bf would realize I don't care if we go only a few miles away and spend just one day away from the world, the point is just adding a little effort and executing the idea rather than talking about it. He's amazing in every other way but there are times I really wish I understood his common sense. If there is one thing in this style of relationship in which I never thought of before was this, the only reason I get upset is because I expect things. I've had to realize if its something that can go unnoticed because we both have busy schedules then at that point I should take it upon myself to make a difference. Sometime's we all get so wrapped up in our lives and careers we forget the little things that make our personal relationships feel blissful. I just want someone to take me to see Alice in Wonderland.

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